Same Bedlam, Prettier Surroundings

The Candy Cane family leaves for vacation tomorrow.  I'm a little bit in denial.  There is still laundry to be done, lists to be made, mail to stop, swim lessons to cancel, blah, blah, blah.  I have never been a good packer, and now I have to pack for three other people.  However, this is the first vacation we've taken where no one in the family requires diapers of any kind.   Hooray for underwear!

We've rented a lake house with my sister and her family.  It's the same house we rented last summer and we had a blast.  We'll be spending our week jumping off the dock into the lake, deciding between the ice cream shop or shaved ice stand for an afternoon snack, renting bikes and having a picnic in Yosemite, taking moonlight boat rides with a pitcher of margaritas, water skiing, and barbecuing.  You know, lake vacation stuff.    

The very first vacation Mr. Mint and I took after becoming parents was when Lolly and Frostine were 11 months old.  We flew to Kauai for a week.  The plane ride was every parent's nightmare.  There was spilled Diet Coke, diaper blow-outs, walking up and down the aisles and lots and lots of tears.  Mostly my tears.  I was wiped out by the time we got off the plane in Kauai and that was just the beginning.  The girls were on the verge of learning to walk and did not want to sit in the stroller.   They couldn't quite walk on their own so we ended up carrying them everywhere we went.  They hated the ocean and would cry the moment we stepped onto the beach.  The crying didn't stop on the beach though.  Apparently my good sleepers at home did not translate to good sleepers on vacation.  They were up all. night. long.  Naps were a struggle.  If you've ever taken two 11 month olds to a restaurant, you can only imagine what two sleep deprived 11 months olds and their cranky sleep deprived parents are like in a restaurant.  The plane ride home was worse than the one there.  

The next week I was complaining to another mom in my mom's group.  This mom had twins the same age as mine, except they were her third/fourth kids.  She also happened to be a pediatrician and one of the most relaxed mom's I had ever met.  I'm sure she got a kick out of all of us first time mom's in that group who peppered her with questions and asked for advice.  She told me I needed to look at vacations from a different perspective.  Her words were something along the lines of when you go on vacation with young children, it's the same chaos of your usual life, just with better scenery.  

Since that first trip I've gotten smarter about vacations with the kids.   It's about creating memories for our kids and having their hard working dad around for more than a couple hours a day.   My mother-in-law will be joining us as well.   This is a woman who told Mr. Mint not to marry me because I was just going to take all his money and divorce him.  But we're past all that now and I couldn't be more thrilled to have her coming on vacation with us.  

But never fear, I haven't forgotten about my readers (all 5 of you!).  I have some stellar guests posts in store that you won't want to miss.  So check back and give my guest writers lots of love.  They deserve it.

In Praise of Trader Joe's Frozen Meatballs

If I've learned anything in my five and half years as a parent, it's that the things I stress and fret about the most seem to work themselves out by the time I've read all the books and consulted my pediatrician.    I make a doctor appointment to get a strange rash checked out, and that morning, it clears up.  Oh the sleep I lost over taking away Lolly and Frostine's pacifiers.  We made a big production over taking them to the toy store, picking out whatever they wanted, and paying with our "binkie bucket."  I was in a such a panic that night at bedtime I broke out in a cold sweat.   But it was like they never had pacifiers at all.   Not a tear was shed and neither of them mentioned the binkie bucket again.

Lately it's been Gloppy's eating habits that have kept me up at night.   Up until recently, we have described him as a pretty good eater, marveled at what he will eat and how much.  The past few weeks, he's been on a pasta and cookie only diet.  Eggs and bananas were his breakfast of choice, now I'm lucky if I can get him to eat a piece of toast and a drink a glass of water.  I think it's pretty typical behavior for an almost three year old, but it has me a little worried.  It has Mr. Mint a lot worried.

Let me just say that I am of the Ellyn Satter camp; you put healthy food in front of them and whether or not they eat it is up to them.    Personally, I am annoyed when people push food on me, telling me how much I'll love it (hello Mr. Mint's family!!!).   I'll decide what I like, thankyouverymuch.  We try to enforce the one bite rule, and if they tell me they don't like something, I don't try to convince them otherwise.   Yes, I get annoyed if I have put a lot of effort into dinner for several nights in a row and most of the food ends up in tupperware in the fridge.  But I refuse to have battles at the dinner table.  There is always something on the table that I know they will eat.  If they eat strawberries and bread for dinner, so be it.   If I really want them to take a few bites of something, I'm not above bribery in the form of ice cream.

Mr. Mint is the exact opposite.   He pays attention to every bite they take, and gets annoyed with me if I let them have their fruit before their protein.  I have a pretty good idea where he gets it.  My mother-in-law will bring up the starving children in India, tell them they'll never grow if they don't eat such and such or ask "aren't you a good boy/girl" if they aren't hungry.  I could go on and on and on.   What and and how much one eats is big deal at my in-laws house.

So I've bought in a little bit to Mr. Mint and my mother-in-laws worries about Gloppy.   There have been a few times when I have considered asking my pediatrician for advice.   Like when all he has eaten all day is a banana, some pasta and some more pasta.   

Today on the way home from Tiny Tots, I asked Gloppy what he wanted for lunch.  He answered, "meatballs, I love meatballs mommy."  I had a moment of panic, thinking I don't have time to run to the store for some ground meat, roll some meatballs and cook them.  Then I remembered the Trader Joe's meatballs I had in the bottom of my freezer.  I almost peed my pants I was so happy.  I cooked up three meatballs and gave them to Gloppy over a little plain pasta.  He ate two whole meatballs, more protein than he's had in one sitting in I don't know how long.   Then at dinner we had build your own soft tacos.  He filled his taco full of ground beef, black beans, rice and cheese and gobbled it right up.  Cue the choir of angels please.  I think he's finally tired of pasta and plain toast.  No sign of his appetite for cookies slowing down though.

Spring Break, Day Five

Day Five!  Hooray!  I made it!  I would say that Mama Ginger Tree's adventure camp was a big success.  I was so tired by the end of yesterday that I haven't been able to sit down and write about it until tonight.  We spent the day at the Monterey Bay Aquarium along with Mr. Mint who took the day off, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law.  We got a pretty late start, so by the time we got down there, it was time for lunch.  Lunch with a view no less.

After lunch we made our way to the Aquarium and saw all kinds of fish, an octopus, a jelly-fish or two, etc., etc.   We got up close and personal with some penguins.

We sat and stared at the giant sea turtle for quite a while.

The aquarium really is a great place to visit if you live in the Bay Area or are ever visiting out here.  Spring Break however, is not a fabulous time to go.  The only downfall was the crowd.  The place was packed.  I've decided that a tired mom, adventure-weary kids and a crowded venue is not a good mix for my family.  Mr. Mint and I were constantly trying to keep track of everyone and each other.   I can't really say that my kids were on their best behavior.  They were easily frustrated if they had to wait their turn to see something and the whining was off the charts.  Thankfully my mother-in-law and sister-in-law were there to pick up a tired child, grab a snack or take someone to the potty.  

We got ice-cream cones (of course) on the way to the car so we ended the trip on a good note.  My in-laws house is on the way home so we stopped to drop off our helpers, have some dinner and give the kids a bath.  The kids know they are not supposed to jump on their bed, but when I walked back to use the bathroom this is what I saw.

School starts back up on Monday for Lolly and Frostine.  I think they are excited to get back and see their friends.   I am looking forward to getting back to our routines.  It was fun-filled week, but my adventure tank is on empty.

A little background

Princess Lolly and Princess Frostine have a playdate over this afternoon. After spending the first hour dancing with each other and getting dressed up in princess attire, they got hungry. I supplied them with a smoothie (chocolate soy milk, banana, ice and peanut butter) and now they are making bead necklaces. While they chat and string beads I have a few moments to myself.

Gloppy the Chocolate Monster is at King and Queen Kandy’s house (otherwise known at Ba and Dada or my in-laws). They live about 20 minutes south of us and every Thursday after I pick him up at Tiny Tots I drive him down there to spend the night. Usually the whole family drives down on Friday to pick him up. It is a nice perk of having family so close by. It had been a long journey for my with my in-laws. I wrote an article for my local mother’s club newsletter about it about a year ago.

Here is the article:
To say I got off to a rocky start with my in-laws is a bit of an understatement. My husband is an East Indian from London whose parents had a traditional arranged marriage. I, on the other hand, am a blond-haired, blue-eyed white girl with Mid-Western parents, who had never even tasted Indian food. Let’s just say that I wasn’t exactly what they had in mind for their only son. For fear of their reaction my husband didn’t even tell them he had a girlfriend until after we had moved in together. Even after our relationship was out in the open and going on 4 years, they sent him a list of potential brides complete with bios and pictures. Once we got engaged, they realized I wasn’t just a phase. They made an effort to get to know me, but it’s accurate to say that things were still chilly between us.

After the chaos of wedding planning, they began to soften a little. We had a traditional Indian ceremony as well as a Christian church ceremony. The wedding also brought out a lot of the differences between our upbringings. My family is small, and I was never really very close to either sets of my grandparents. My husband on the other hand has several aunts and uncles, tons of cousins and was clearly the favorite of his Ba (grandmother). Each new “aunty” I met told me that Mr. Mint was their favorite. My in-laws thought 800-1000 wedding guests was a good number. I don’t think I even know this many people, let alone that I would invite to my wedding. I felt a little bit like a fish out of water during the Indian ceremony, which was conducted all in Gujarati and lasted about an hour. My girlfriends loved dressing in saris though and my whole family thought all the rituals were fascinating.

Even after we’d been married for a year and I became pregnant with twins, things were still a little strained. Whenever we were at their house, they only spoke in Gujarati leaving me feeling out of place and more than a little bitter. After the girls were born, I became fiercely protective of them. It started in the hospital, when they came into my room with a bag full of Indian food and a few relatives I had never met. My in-laws were full of advice about everything from what I should be eating to how to get Princess Lolly and Princess Frostine to sleep. I was so overwhelmed with taking care of my twins that polite responses to their inquiries about why my babies cried so much were beyond my capabilities.

As the girls got a little older, my in-laws grew into typical grandparents. They gave my toddlers all the M&M’s they wanted, spoiled them with way too many loud, plastic toys and called every day. They often got annoyed with me if I was too busy to answer the phone or we didn’t visit them often enough. Every time the girls were ill they had some new home remedy that I thought was nuts, like putting onion slices around your house to help cure a cold. When they babysat, I knew the girls would be up past their bedtime. Looking back I wish I could have been more relaxed about it all. But I was a first time mom and religious about the girl’s routine. Every time they didn’t follow my instructions it felt like a personal insult. I think I also still harbored feelings of resentment toward them and didn’t quite feel like part of their family.

Right after the girls turned two, I got pregnant again. I was exhausted taking care of two toddlers while pregnant, and I started to take my in-laws up on their offers to watch the kids more often. The more time they spent with them, the more I started to notice how much fun my girls were having with their Ba and Dada. My mother-in-law has endless patience with children and always gets right down on the floor to play with them. She bought them saris complete with lots of matching bangles and they had so much fun dressing up and dancing. She got them involved in whatever she was cooking and they were much more willing to try new foods at their house than they were with me. Whenever they came back from Ba’s house they were a little cranky, but I was so grateful for the help.

I agreed to let my mother-in-law stay at our house and take care of the girls while I was in hospital recovering from my c-section with my son. When I came home, all the laundry was done, the girls were happy and my husband was thrilled to have a fridge full of home cooked food. She stayed with us for a few more days. Though I was annoyed by her comments about how I feed my kids, the right way to give a baby a bottle, etc., as a I watched her with my kids I realized I needed to lighten up a bit.

The real turning point for me was a trip to Disneyland. My son was only six months old, and my girls were three when we decided to make the drive to LA. My husband suggested that Ba come along and having an extra pair of hands sounded good to me. The trip turned out better than I could have imagined. She sat in the back of the minivan for the whole drive down and happily fed and entertained all three kids. She really bonded with my son on that trip. She went on the Winnie the Pooh ride five times in a row with the girls, took my son back to the hotel so he could eat and have a nap, and my husband and I even got to go out to dinner two nights in a row! But more importantly I really noticed the relationship she was building with my kids. All three of them light up when they see her and her instinctual way of knowing how to calm a tantrum or sooth a boo-boo continually amazes me. During the trip, I came to realize that I was also a little sad knowing all that I had missed out on by not having a similar relationship with my grandparents.

After we got back I felt like I had finally found some common ground with my mother-in-law. We began to feel more comfortable around each other as we bonded over the drudgery and the joy of childcare. My in-laws are incredibly proud of their grandkids and even though they don’t articulate it, I know they think I am a good mother. That fact alone has really helped me put any past resentments aside and move forward. They must know something about parenting, after all they did raise the man that I fell in love with and married.

We recently moved and as a result are even closer to their home. Moving with three children under the age of four was stressful to say the least. We lived with my in-laws for a week while our new house was being painted and I left all three kids there for a couple days while we got settled. That alone has made me realize how truly fortunate we are to have them so close by. My son, Gloppy now spends the night with them one night a week. At 20 months, Gloppy knows more Gujarati words than English. If you ask him “Whose boy are you?” he’ll answer “Ba.” He’s treated like a king while he’s there and gets valuable time playing without his older sisters in his space. I get to spend an afternoon alone with Princess Lolly and Princess Frostine doing things we can’t do with their little brother around. I also get one morning alone in my house while the girls are at school (I know I don’t have to explain how priceless that is).

My three little children have helped me finally do what has been a struggle for the past ten years -- become a part of their family. Princess Lolly, Princess Frostine and Gloppy have something invaluable…loving grandparents that are near by to spoil them. I can only hope that my kids realize someday how lucky they are.

A couple of weeks ago my husband and I were going out to dinner in the city and my in-laws were coming over to watch the kids. My son has bad separation anxiety sometimes and he could tell I was putting on my “going out” clothes. He started to cry and pull on my pants every time I left his sight. As soon as Ba and Dada got there, he started laughing and waving good-bye to me. I know Gloppy stayed up way past his bedtime that night,. Even though Princess Lolly and Princess Frostine had already eaten dinner and were in their pj’s with teeth brushed, they had a second dinner of their favorite Indian dishes and glasses of milk right before they got in bed. This might have bothered me at one point in time, but not now. Mr. Mint and I had a night out without worry and without having to pay a babysitter. My children had their fun and attentive grandparents to themselves and got to watch Deal or No Deal. God bless in-laws.