Something's Missing

Indulge me for a moment if you don't mind.  Imagine you are the mother of three children.  You have had a very busy week and have a lot on your mind.   Your three year old son has not put weight on his injured leg or walked for the past four days.  Which means you have carried him everywhere.  Up the stairs, down the stairs, to the bathroom, to the car, in from the car... everywhere.  And since you wrote a post about how fast your kids are growing up and how much you miss their baby-ness, of course your darling son has reverted to acting like a baby.  He uses baby talk and has crying fits because you dared to put carrots on his plate.  You are so tired.  

You scheduled a dentist appointment for your twin girls on a day you knew your son would be in school.  But since he hasn't been able to walk, you can't send him to school.  So you pile all three kids in the mini-van and head to the dentist.   Of course your children's dentist is in San Francisco since that is were you lived two years ago.  Now you live in the suburbs so it will take at least 30 minutes to get there, possibly longer depending on traffic.  Parking at the dentist is pretty much nonexistent, so you need to tack on extra 15 minutes in order to find a parking space. 

You are feeling lucky when after just one trip around the block you spot someone pulling out and you are only about a half of block from the dentist office.   The spot is a little tight and your bumper is slightly blocking someone's driveway.  But your late, so you go with it.

You're hoping to get in, get their teeth cleaned and get out so you can get the girls back to school in time for an assembly.  Of course you have to hold your son on your lap the whole time because he won't stand up.  Your arms ache from carrying him around.  The girls need x-rays and fluoride and your son wants to share his pretzels with the office dog.   The dentist wants to chit chat about loose teeth and flossing.  You finally get everyone their new toothbrushes, stickers and toys.  You write the dentist a check while holding your three year old son and make your next appointment.  

As you're walking to the car you have a sinking feeling in your stomach for some reason.  You reach the spot where your car should be and there is no mini-van, but a gardening company truck instead.  You walk a little further down the block pushing the alarm button on your keychain which makes the car honk it's horn, just to be sure you aren't looking in the wrong place.  You hear nothing.

You panic and assume your car was towed.  There is no way you will get the girls to the assembly on time.  You call your husband who works in San Francisco and he agrees to come and rescue you.  The kids are hungry and asking a million questions.  Your husband picks you up and you head across town to the tow yard to bail out your car.   When you finally get to the tow yard, they do not have your mini-van.  After spending 20 minutes on the phone with the department of parking and traffic, you realize that your mini-van was not towed and is not on it's way to the tow yard.

Now your kids are really hungry and cranky and you they've overheard you and your husband use several swear words.  You come to the realization that your car was stolen.  Stolen along with your daughters backpacks, three car seats, your travel coffee mug, several DVDs, a PlasmaCar, a couple of empty juice boxes, countless smashed goldfish crackers and your favorite sweater.  You start crying and the kids start crying.  Your husband calls your insurance company.

You all get back in the car and head to the police station to file a report.  On the way there, you send out a quick Twitter about your stolen car and your lovely friends send you sympathy and love over the internet.  You try to entertain your starving kids while your husband fills out a police report.   Your non-walking three year old son is getting heavier and crankier by the minute.  You have a headache and your arms feel like they are going to fall off.

Before you head for home and try to rent a car, you and your husband decide to drive back across town to the scene of the crime just to be sure your mini-van is not there.  As you turn the corner onto the street you were parked on, your heart drops as you see the tail end of a silver mini-van with a familiar dent on the passenger side.  It's just a few cars down from where you stopped looking for it earlier.  Your husband looks at you like you are a complete idiot and thankfully doesn't say what you know he is thinking.  Your famished kids cheer and practically kiss the car they thought was gone forever.

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I am sure I will be able to laugh at the story someday, but not today.  Today I am emotionally drained and pissed off.  I'm pissed off at myself.  I feel so stupid.  I have been unable to keep get my act together ever since school started.  I can't keep anything straight.  It's not the big things, it's all the little things I have running around in my head that make me feel overwhelmed.  When is the ballet tuition due?  Whose library books are due on Wednesday and whose are due on Thursday?  How much milk is left in the fridge, do we have fabric softener or toilet paper at home?  What gift should I buy for the birthday party this weekend and when will I have time to buy it?  What time is our soccer game and is it our turn to bring snacks?  Do we have everything we need for Halloween?  When is the gift wrap fundraiser money due?  

It's the details that are kicking my @ss.  I look around me and see women who seem to have it all under control.  They are well dressed and turn in their forms on time.  They have time to work out and return e-mails.   Why is it that I can't seem to find a system that works for me and my family?  How did I get so distracted that I could not find my own mini-van and reported it stolen???   Why do I feel like I am functioning with half a brain?  What am I missing?

I don't expect answers to any of these questions.  I am just so frustrated with myself.  Maybe I will be able to get my act together by Christmas break.  Hopefully I won't "lose" my car again... or one of my children.