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Sunday, May 4, 2008

Crazy Psycho Bird

I do not like birds.  The pointy beaks, the claw feet, the black, beady eyes, the oily, dirty feathers.  Just yuk.  Don't even get me started on bird poop.   The movie The Birds is my worst nightmare.  All those claws and beaks diving and swooping,  AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

When we lived in San Francisco our house had three levels, with french doors on all three levels.  At least three or four times a year we would come home to find a bird imprint, wings spread, on one of the top level windows.  There would inevitably be a severely injured or dead bird on the deck below.  

It seems the creepy bird karma has followed us to the suburbs.  For the past couple of weeks we have been tormented by a single bird I have named crazy psycho bird.  It started when we noticed an increase in the amount of bird shit on our cars parked in the driveway.  It was like our cars had become the toilet for a family of five birds.  As if that's not bad enough, crazy psycho bird has taken tormenting me to a whole new level.

One morning last week I woke up to a strange banging noise.  It was like someone was throwing a nerf football against our window.  Later in the day I was innocently sitting on the couch reading a magazine and I heard the banging again.  Crazy psycho bird was sitting on a chair outside one of our windows, slamming itself into the window about five times in a row, then flying off for a twenty minute break.  Then crazy psycho bird would come back, park itself on the chair and slam into the window a few more times.  This scenario has played out from sun up to sun down for the past week.  

I've tried to snap a picture of crazy psycho bird, but it flies away as soon as it catches sight of me.  If you look close at this picture though, you can see crazy psycho birds tail feather.

My window is covered with crazy psycho bird's beak and head marks and the chair outside is covered in it's crap.   I can't imagine how the thing is still alive.  You've got to admire crazy psycho bird's tenacity, but it's driving me NUTS.  

Why?  Why do you want to slam yourself into my window crazy psycho bird?  There is nothing inside here for you.  Please, please go away and find some other person to torment at 6am. 

1 comment:

Jolly, the sister said...

This is the funniest freaking thing I've ever read! Seriously, you need to get published...